Latest Entries

She sent me flowers at work!

She sent me flowers at work! 

I am…stunned. Amazed. Trying not to grin stupidfacededly.?

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One Good Day

One Good Day

There are so many things you have to sacrifice in the name of one good day. Like this album, so beautiful it rips holes in me. I only get to listen to it once a year or so. I used to listen to it on repeat for days on end, just painting and smoking.

For some people music is a tether, it keeps them connected to the physical plane. Reminds them to feel on a scale they're not generally capable of writing on their own.

God, why do I feel so big? Why are these feelings so large inside of me like a traitor under my breast? I have a secret.

Sometimes I think there is a lot more wrong with me than I ever tell you.

I don't know how to find contentment in this life, in any life.

Thoughts and emotions are like tumors, they grow silently and unnoticed– killing you all the while. There is so much wrong inside of this world, outside in the world. I think sometimes that it will turn black and begin to peel at the edges. Not just in my head where the pictures are so vivid, but outside where the people are so hurt. So afraid.

I'm afraid I must have been some kind of superhero who missed her dimension by a stop or two. Why would anyone come into this world with so much reception? It's pointless, I'm picking up stations I don't have the heart to listen to anymore. In some other world there must have been a place for a girl like me. I don't know what happened to those voices from my childhood. Stations I didn't have the heart to listen to. I don't hear them now and that is so scary. More scary than before because I fear it means I'm losing some humanity.

No, no. I know. I know. You don't understand. You never understand. No understanding. The mosquitoes are buzzing and the cats are howling and no one understands how to feel this anymore. I think my thoughts and they are scary to some people.

I know, I know. You don't understand. You're shaking me. Stop. Fingermarks in my shoulders and I still can't hear them. I love you and you're so beautiful, you really need a tan. Rasp of whiskers burning reminders into my face and I can't tear you out of there. I don't dream about you anymore and sometimes it's silent when I sleep. Why do I love him so? Because he knows where I live. But no one really knows where I live. Not in this world. Not anymore.

There's no milk for the tea and it's too sweet inside, covering the rot. I know, I know you don't understand but I don't want you to write me songs; just give me something to sing about when the shaking stops and I can pretend she sleeps. You want waking dreams and endless beauty wrapped up in the grayest of days but you can't have it all girl, you can't have it all. Let the edges turn black and peel. You can't have it all girl, you can't have it all.?

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Yes, I bought the store out of almond nog…

Yes, I bought the store out of almond nog. People with food allergies fear scarcity. ?

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I haven’t felt this downtrodden in quite…

I haven't felt this downtrodden in quite a long time.

Two years worth of research and work. A 42 page report. A detailed plan for how to present the report to the EAC (our faculty senate, basically) and call for a vote…

Only to be forcibly and obviously sabotaged by the EAC chair, who is also a member of the task force. I was always uncomfortable letting the chair of the umbrella group join the task force because, as expected, she asserted her influence all over the process for the last two years, even going so far as to take the draft report to the vice president of the college (and all kinds of Deans and muckety-mucks) without consulting task force chairs or members.

I won't even get into the details of the sabotage, but it was blatant and covered over by "woops, I made a mistake, but now we're bound by it."

I'll be resigning from my own fucking faculty senate. I'll likely be writing an open letter of no confidence in the chair. 

I have no idea what to do with my task force…we've been told to come back next month and try again.

I'm on sabbatical, I shouldn't have even been there today but we set wheels in motion in May (as we presented the recommendations for "discussion") so that we could present for action vote in October. Now learning that the chair did not put our May presentation as a "discussion" but rather an "update". Having not been on a discussion agenda prevents us from calling a vote. 

This could drag on for the rest of the year, if not longer… and I am not capable of showing up to a meeting every month in which I not only don't have faith in the chair, but believe her capable of sabotage and great intentional damage. Also great damaging ineptitude. 

So hurt. So angry. So much work, feeling so much like I let down the very people I've been fighting to get equity for…?

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hahaha so not only does +Free People sell…

hahaha so not only does +Free People sell expensive clothing for sticks, they now sell expensive sticks. Priceless.?

$68 sticks and more at the Free People Spirituality Shop

Stick afficionados, rejoice!

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I have completed my obligations for my task…

I have completed my obligations for my task force report and now can start to focus in earnest on my  #curiosityproject  for sabbatical.

Only 22 days late, NBD, right? ?

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Dirty women need run through the machine…

Dirty women need run through the machine.?

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You have 3 days left to get your $20 presale…

You have 3 days left to get your $20 presale tickets for our ?#?tatasforlibs? fundraiser. Presale tickets get you preferred seating at the event. You would genuinely prefer to sit in these seats. These are facts. Just look at this seating map.

Tatas for Libraries-on 9/20, 8pm, Norse Hall in Portland, OR- is going to blow minds, and you want to be as close as possible. $20 now will get you there. Help us reach our fundraising goal of 150 tickets by getting yours today.

PDXers, get on it: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/tatas-for-libraries-tickets-12575546799

#pdx   #burlesque   #libraries   #fundraiser  ?

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Holy sharks, this is my favorite thing….

Holy sharks, this is my favorite thing. I want to live in this youtube channel all day!?

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Hypothesis holds true. I have now been told…

Hypothesis holds true. I have now been told repeatedly that this didn't happen or that I misunderstood his motives.

It has now been suggested more than once that it was a poor attempt at hitting on me.

I have lost the ability to can.

Who hits on someone with words of accusation of theft?

My friends who commented in other areas of social media have now been accused of pro-black and anti-white racism.

I am so tired.?

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